it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
