another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
