i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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