she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When are your genitals available?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
