508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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