I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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