I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
