When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize