paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
