I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
