no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
