Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
