I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
