I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize