Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
