i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
