I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
