so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
