does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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