Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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