be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I love you.
Bad choice
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