i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize