Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Randomize
