which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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