is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
