If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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