Don't you send me to vm
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize