thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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