I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
