can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
