I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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