If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
