I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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