don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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