I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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