just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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