party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize