You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
