I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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