I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
