Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
