I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
