At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i think i just lost a toe
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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