Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
