If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
