he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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