I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
