It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
