a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
