I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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