At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize