what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
