WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
