It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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