im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize