drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The best revenge is premature balding
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
