We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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