mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
