whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
