My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize