I'm lost and stupid without you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
