in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
