I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
