so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
