She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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