I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
