so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
