I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
