Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
