Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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