I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
