You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
