She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
