He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
