Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
