I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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