Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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