I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize