I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
